When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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