I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
