i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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