I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
