i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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