feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
