Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
