omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
where are my eyebrows?
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