Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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