He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
