addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
