While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
