Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
