The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
