there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
