If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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