I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
