i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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