His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
