Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
