girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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