I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
