you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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