Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
