They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i would one night stand the shit outta him
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
