how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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