She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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