she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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