no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Green mimosas i think yes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
