I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
