the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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