What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
