U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and she was petting her beer can
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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