As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
