and you said cock pushups were impossible
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
