yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
