He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
