I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
