the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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