Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
