Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
