Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
