This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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