Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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