Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
