Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just invented taco cereal.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
