So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
