i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
