Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
