I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
