He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
