i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So here I am, sexting at work.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
