I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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