good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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