Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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