I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
