You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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